Learning lessons and moving forward

It's been a month since I've posted here. I'm at a very different place today--emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. I never really thought taking a vacation from all of the Manilow drama would make such a difference in my life, but it has. I've avoided the Manilow Network, the Barrynet, and the other places on the internet where fans spend hours upon hours bashing each other and bickering about things that aren't really important.

While I was gone, Barry visited the UK, appeared on numerous shows as part of his media blitz for his 80's album, released a Christmas single that has climbed to number 6 on the charts, had a Holiday Bash with the fan club and is closing out the year with two marvelous shows. Not to mention numerous fan-related dramas that I happily missed. And believe it or not, life continued as it always does.

I learned a few lessons during this time away. The most important one was that when you strip away all the drama and don't get involved in any of the bickering and mud slinging, you're left with only two things that matter: the music and the friends you've made because of the music. Everything else is temporary and will eventually pass away. When Barry is gone (hopefully because he finally decides to have a life apart from this crazy world he's in right now) his music will be there forever. He's left all of us with a legacy that will unlock emotions and stir our memories and give us joy for the rest of our lives. And even longer if we pass it on to our children [I've done my part there :>)] and our grandchildren. He's given all of us "the time of our lives" and we really do owe it all to him because its been the gift of his music that has done it for us.

Everything else drowns out the music: the jealousy, the envy, the hatred, the bickering, the gossip, the negative fan behavior. It drowns it all out and after awhile you forget why you were drawn to him in the first place. You forget that your very first Barry friend was a 27 year old fan that introduced you to an entire catalog of music you didn't even know was there and has since become like an adopted daughter. You forget that you spent 2 years waiting to meet a friend from Australia, thinking it might never happen, but it did and you made some wonderful memories together. You forget that you traveled to Canada to spend a week with a friend that you bonded with over Barry's music, a scrapbook, starting a fan club and so much more. You forget that you met a fellow blogger through the music and even when your life felt full, she brought so much more into it that you can't even begin to explain. You forget the generosity of a couple that has given and given and touched your heart in ways that you can't even begin to express. You forget about meeting someone from the UK and listening to her tell you about her most agonizing year, and how Barry's music helped her through it all and knowing at that moment that she really got "it" and hoping you could become friends. You forget the friends who you have laughed with, and cried with, and talked hours and hours about that very music that brought you together.

And most importantly, you forget why you were instantly drawn to someone because you felt a common bond and you couldn't explain it, but it was there. You forget you have been to hell and back with her and still standing in spite of it all and that bond, no matter how much has happened, can never be broken or severed because of the music--when we "listened" and let it speak to our hearts we took hold of a dream that some day we will see fulfilled because we refuse to let go or give up or stop believing. And one day, that mountain will move.

I don't want to forget any longer, and I don't want to let anything drown out the music. It's the music that has moved me, healed me, brought me joy, opened the floodgates of tears, and brought me some of the greatest memories and life experiences I could have ever imagined. It's the music that has enriched my life and given me friends that I turn to when I'm hurting, or lost, or even just need somewhere to vent life's frustrations.

Of course I still have opinions and I still find some fan behavior reprehensible, but it's not why I'm here. I'm here because of the music...and I always will be.

To 2009 and moving forward...
Texas Fan

When the Good Times Come Again

I'll see you then when the good times come again
When you and I have made it back
From the people and the places we have been
I'll see you then when the good times come again
The door that we go out of is the door that we come in
When the good times come again...

The week of Manilow memories is over and I was listening to the purple album on the way home on the plane today. It's filled with songs that echo my feelings of this past week. If you haven't listened to it recently, dig it out. The emotion on this album takes me back to the emotions I had this past week..a week of good times!

The fans
This is the first time I have experienced the "fan world" of such intensity. I had some not-so-great moments and some not-so-wonderful conversations with so-called fans. I say that because I can't for the life of me understand how a grown woman can say some of the things I heard and do some of things I saw them do. If anything it made me realize that Barry's security is greatly appreciated and highly needed. I also witnessed some quiet, soft-spoken fans who overshadowed the crazies and gave me hope that not all fandom needs a harsh case of reality.

The friends
This is probably the single most wonderful benefit of being a part of the Manilow world...the friends. I spent some quality time with friends that I have made because of Barry and his music. And an added benefit was that I had the privilege of meeting and getting to know a very special lady from the UK. Her genuinely kind spirit and her ability to communicate about the music and commensurate about why it moves us made this trip all the more meaningful. It's the friends (old and new) that remind us how much Barry has a profound impact on our lives.



The shows
Each show (Tuesday, Friday and Saturday) had their own special moments. The comedy was priceless. When he lets out that giggle you just can't help but laugh with him. The music as always moved beyond words. The emotion in each and every song carried me along. The bounce in his step (especially on Tuesday night) made me smile for him and happy to be there to see it. Each show has its own set of memories and moments that I will not soon forget.




The songs
Barry outdid himself this past week. He pulled out all the stops and gave us performances that had us on our feet at times and stunned in our seats at others. The cheers resounded in the theater during Who's Been Sleeping in My Bed and you could have heard a pin drop during Somewhere Down the Road. Keep Each Other Warm was a treat to finally hear live. And The Best of Me always makes me cry. But for me, hands down, Open Arms will be the song of the week. He knocked it clear out of the building, across the strip and out into space. He hit the biggest home run with that song and I can hardly wait to hear it again. It literally became his that night...forever.


The moments
In every show, there are those special moments that you can't forget. Those moments that make them yours, and yours alone. The lyric that connects. They look that makes you melt. The unscripted, unexpected mistakes that endear him to us and make him human. These shows were no exception. The jokes. The skipping out on stage. The unexpected insertion of Open Arms. These moments are embedded in our hearts forever and we replay them over and over again because they bring us great joy. There was one very special moment for me that I shared with my friend and I will never forget that moment when her dream finally became a reality and she had her once-in-a-lifetime encounter with the magic that only a few ever experience.

The memories
It's always about the memories. The fun we had with the music. The laughs watching human theater in the Hilton lobby. Sharing the shows together. Late nights spent talking. Early morning coffee. Meeting new friends. Stepping into the Manilow store again to discover the new merchandise. Walking into the doors of the Hilton. Exploring new places along the strip. Searching for that perfect outfit to wear to the shows. Drinking a little too much. Sleeping very little. Taking photos and capturing those moments forever. Philosophizing about the music and sharing what it means to get "it".

The MAN
I was speaking with a fan in the M store a few days ago. It wasn't a very pleasant conversation. She was trying to explain her obsession. I was trying to point out her sickness. (Yes, I'm opinionated if you haven't figured that out yet). I never was able to make her understand why I am there time after time. She just didn't get "it" and never will. However, for me, it's quite simple. He moves me. He reaches into my soul and seems to know exactly what I need at the moment: acceptance, love, kindness, compassion, hope, light-heartedness, joy. He does it simultaneously to everyone in that theater. But when it happens, it's like you are the only person receiving it. He's blessed with the ability to see the condition of the human soul and feel it with his whole being and somehow share it with all of us. There aren't many that can do that. And there aren't many that are willing to pour it all out there night after night and be that vulnerable. But he does it and always manages to connect...always.




Until the "good times" come again...
Texas Fan

Manilow Memories

It's been two years since I attended my first Barry concert in Vegas on March 29, 2006. Nostaligia has set in this morning and I can't think of a better place to share those memories than here on the blog that I began because of that magical night.

My first Vegas show
This is where it all began: a great show, a magical, unexpected moment with Barry and a new friend who grew up with his music and introduced me to the vast new world of Manilow.
At the dance with Mandy
My first ever "Barry trip" with my new friend, Mandy, and the night she danced with him to It's Not for Me to Say for what seemed like an eternity.
The scrapbook project
Bringing a group of fans together to create a scrapbook for Barry after his hip surgery. Everyone worked together to create the best "get well" scrapbook called, "Your Music, Our Passion".
Atlantic City
The first concert after the hip surgery; the anticipation; all the fans and the energy in the huge arena. Finally, Barry comes out on stage in a wheelchair and the crowd roars. It was my first arena show and a night I will never forget.
Madison Square Garden
New York City and a night to remember with Barry, Dave Koz, and one of my very best friends.
Starting I Am Your Child Fan Club
A dream that ensued between two friends and after a few short months blossomed into an officially sanctioned fan club, which was the start of new friendships and some great times with other fans.
May 2007
A last minute trip to Vegas where I had the time of my life at the concerts and experienced some memorable moments of frivolity, fandom and fun.
Philly
A girl's weekend with Barry and a road trip to Atlantic City resulting in some inspirational moments listening to the Greatest Songs of the Seventies.
Dallas
A night to remember with my daughter; her first Barry concert--sharing the passion that is Manilow.
The friends I have made along the way
These are friends that I've met, have yet to meet, and possibly might never meet. They have enriched my life and given me moments of great joy. They have shared heartache with me, celebrated and had fun along the way, and given me encouragement with I needed it the most. They come from all over the world and they speak the universal language: music. Our friendships have taken some unique paths and come full circle. They are the glue that holds me together and they are the reason that every time I walk through those doors (at the Hilton, at an arena show, or when they welcome me into their homes) I know what it means to be a Manilow fan.

2008 has barely begun and a day doesn't go by that I don't think of that magical night in March two years ago and how Barry, with a smile, a hug and a simple kiss took away a cloud of grief and put me on the path of discovering his music, his magic and the ability he has to impart unspeakable joy.

Looking toward the future and many more Manilow memories,
Texas Fan

If they don’t want to play with you...

...then find some other friends.

When my kids were younger, I must have said this at least once a week. The simple fact is that kids can be cruel. They don’t care about hurting your kid’s feelings or making them cry. And a group of kids can be even crueler. Sadly, I have found that these same kids grow up to be teens and later adults. Those same kids that tortured you as a child continue to torture people as adults. It doesn’t matter what their groups are called: cliques, “the in-crowd”, fraternities, “junior league”, society, power circle, the “rich and famous”, or even the cool ones. They exclude the ones who are not like them.

As a child, I was taught to share. My mother taught me to play with everyone. She told me to be kind to everyone and not exclude anyone from my play group. I wish I could say I always listened to my mother. But the reality is I have been guilty of excluding people for various reasons. None of which were kind or legitimate, and all of which I am not proud of. Sadly, my children’s generation seems to be more exclusive than when I grew up and the competition to fit in has become fierce.

The lines have been drawn politically to the point that the “red and blue” states can hardly be civil to one another. The social elite continue to snub their noses at the uncultured. The rich and famous can’t imagine how anyone could allow themselves to become homeless. Those with college educations thumb their noses at those with street smarts alone. The teens with the Abercrombie clothes talk smack about the kids that are forced to shop at Target or WalMart. The adults with the huge suburban homes and fancy cars don’t associate with the families from the other side of the tracks: those who they call “poor white trash”. Women with expensive clothing and jewelry and money to spend look down on those who are not as fortunate.

What can you do about these “friends” that don’t want to play with you? The real question for me is why do you want to play with them at all? Why would anyone want to be that shallow, opinionated, callous, uncaring and insensitive? Why would anyone want to be accepted into a group that sets its values as money, power, prestige and the right address? You can strive your entire life to be accepted by these people, but when push comes to shove, they will never be friends. They let you play with them when it’s convenient or beneficial for them. They will never sacrifice any of their needs, wants or desires to meet you halfway or even try and see things from your point of view. They will never change. They have been that way since they were children and will continue to set their values and goals as they relate to the group they belong to.

My advice to anyone in this situation is to find some new “friends”. Find some friends that have the same values as you. Find some friends that are kind to those around them. Find some friends that sacrifice and give for others. Find some friends that speak to you in love and compassion, not judgment and condemnation.

You might find as Barry says, "...you're not alone."

Texas Fan

I'll Take Your Cause...

The 70's CD has practically taken over my office the last week. I've listening to all the songs on it throughout each day, discovering little gems within each song: chord changes, hidden notes from other familiar songs, lyrics I had never listened to before and quite honestly, a newfound respect for the man who recorded them.

There is a recurring theme throughout the songs that hits you like a ton of bricks if you take the time to "listen". And when I did listen, I heard that theme: friendship. The first song that slams that point home is "Bridge Over Troubled Water". The lyrics in this song are inspiring...I'll take your part, when darkness comes, and friends just can't be found...if you need a friend I'm sailing right behind...like a bridge over troubled water....I will ease your mind.

This has been a week of causes for me. I've had to wrestle with some difficult choices, knowing it was the right thing to do. I've had to ask some tough questions and evaluate the depth and commitment I had for a friend. Sometimes standing up for what you believe means taking on the cause of a friend because they have been hurt or feel strongly about the particular cause. Being a true friend means that although you may not completely understand the cause, you can support your friend's right to believe in that cause. I experienced that support this week first hand and gave it myself to someone I care very deeply about. I didnt' particularly understand the cause, but I knew it meant something to them.

So I guess what I'm wanting to say is that being a friend sometimes means you have to take up a cause that you may not agree with, but you know is important to that friend. And doing it for them, standing on their side, taking up their cause, and "cheering them on from the balcony" lets them know that you care.

For my friend who cheers me on and takes up my causes and for that person who took up a cause and caught a ton of flack for it, I am grateful, proud and humbled.

Thanks guys for being my inspiration,
Texas Fanilow