Don't get me wrong, I love my family. And I wouldn't trade that aspect of my life for anything. But it seems somehow in being that wife, mother and all-around multi-tasker (event planner, vacation guide, nurse, financier, housekeeper, cook, counselor, etc. etc.) it's hard to hold on to your dreams and your goals. It's hard to say STOP and take a hard look at what you need and want. And even when you do, it doesn't always turn out like you planned it would.I've often wondered how Enoch Anderson (a guy) understood the mind of Sandra. Did he have a mother that inspired that song? He had to know someone that shared those feelings with him. Because they are common to so many women and ring true in the deepest sense of our emotions.
She says, I swear I love my husband, I love my kids
I wanted to be like my mother
But if I hadn't done it as soon as I did
Oh there might have been time to be me
For myself, for myself
There's so many things that she wishes
She don't even know what she's missin'
And that's how she knows....that she missed.
Truer words were never spoken,
Texas Fan
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It seems to me that Sandra was trying hard to convinvce herself that she loved her husband and her family........that she was leading a life of regret for making, what she saw was a mistake (having a child/children) too soon.
As much as they are haunting lyrics and well played out on stage, to me it also shows a selfishness about a person.
I have a child who was born out of wedlock and I was fortunate enough to be able to raise her as a single Father, the Custodial Parent (as seen through the courts eyes).........I chose that and I never once felt burdened aor hampered or short changed.
My daughter was married last July and we danced to "I Am Your Child".....As I said to my Family....."that day was 25 years wrapped into 1 song"
Wayne,
I think there is some aspect of regret in that song, but I also think we all have regrets in life. Just because we feel that way at that moment, doesn't mean it's the permeating feeling all the time or that we feel our choices were mistakes.
I think if you never felt anything like Sandra did, then you're an amazing person. In all honesty, most of the time, it's a privilege to be a parent. But in truth, there are days that regret comes creeping in. It would be naive to think that every single day is perfect. I think to describe it as selfish is a bit harsh.
My daughter is getting married next year as well and she has brought me more joy in her 27 years than I could have ever hoped for. And I bet if you were to ask her, she would NEVER describe me as selfish, nor would she say that Sandra was either.
Did I get the sense from the song that Sandra that it was about regret and mistakes? A little. But it didn't feel to me like she was trying to convince herself she loved her husband and kids... she was just having one of those "selfish" moments when she wondered if it had been the right thing at the right time.
I think we all have those moments about marriages, kids, jobs, schools, friends... but they all pass if it's what's true and meant to be.
I know what it is like to be a wife and wonder once in awhile if it was the right thing to do. Is it selfish? Sure. For some, it's momentary and passes and they get on with whatever their version is of "happily ever after".
Some others figure out that they are in the wrong place or the wrong time with the wrong person. But that's just how life is sometimes.Then again I'm pretty jaded (I never got the happily ever after).
And I'm getting way to philosophical over a discussion about a song.
The lyrics of this song haunt me now and then. I don't think it is about regret or being selfish. It is about being so many things to other people in life that somewhere along the way you lose sight of yourself and now and again you want to find that again. It might also be about something quite small that you gave up a long time ago and then found it again and realised that you gave it up for all the wrong reasons. I did that with Barry's music. My husband never did nor does he like Barrys' music so for years I never listened to it until about 5 years ago when I 'found' it again. I realised that was a part of me I gave up and wish I hasn't. Not sure if that makes sense!!!
Survivor,
I agree. It can often be about things you gave up for the wrong reasons. That's the hardest part of relationships: sharing things with the other person even though you might not enjoy them yourself. But, it takes two to make this work. It's never supposed to be just one giving up everything. Women tend to do it more than men because society used to deem it so.
Micks,
Philosophical? You? That's what I love about you. Besides, Barry would LOVE this discussion. He wants his music to move us and this song certainly has done that. When a song can do that, then you've done so much more than make music. You've opened up minds and hopefully changed lives.
The first time that I heard Sandra was on Barry's first TV special. Although I'd always loved music, I wasn't impressed with most performers of the day. And I didn't know who Barry Manilow was. Frankly, the only reason I watched it was that I was in the middle of something when it came on (no remotes in those days!)
I liked what I heard, but this song was like a dagger to the heart. No, I wasn't unhappy, but I had gotten married straight out of college. And that was enough for him to make me feel for Sandra. That's when I knew that I wanted to hear anything that Barry wanted to sing. Angry - happy - sad - he could take me on any journey and make me feel whatever he wanted to convey.
I only got to attend one live concert - in 1984 - until May 22. When Barry once more sang Sandra, and the convention catchphrase - Welcome Home - couldn't have been more true.
Wildecat101,
That's what is so amazing about his music. It reaches down into our hearts and finds the emotion. It might be hidden, but it's there and once you hear that one song it comes to the surface like a volcano. There aren't many artists that can do that these days; make that connection with the listener. But Barry can every time. What a privilege to hear that song live. I can't even imagine how it would feel.
I have to agree that I would love to hear that song live. However I had a mild objection to the way Sandra was portrayed by Keely. Very dowdy and stereotypical. Don't blame her as obviously it was an agreed part of the act but I certainly don't dress like that, maybe they tried to portray the time in which it was written?
Yes, I like that song and can connect to it, even though I'm not a mother. I've taken care of other people's children, my parents, jobs that I've had and at the end of the day (or school year) you wonder where all the time went, and how much of it was for you?
I'm still trying to clean up at least 1 school year's worth of clutter around my home. I wanted to last summer, but my mother was hospitalized and there went my summer.
Thanks, Suzanne, I hope you have a wonderful week.
Survivor,
You don't? Gee. I do! I'm in my apron, dress, shawl and all right now. I think I look pretty snappy too!
Dawn,
Exactly. That song hits the fabric of our emotions...in more than just the obvious ways.
I keep going back to "time for myself". I was "older" at nearly 24 when I got married. Most of my friend married much earlier. I waited five years for kids. Sometimes I think that I never had time for myself cause I gave everything to my husband or kids. I took nothing for myself.I do relate to Sandra.
Jill,
I think that song causes all of us to ponder some things. And I also believe, that as women, sometimes we give things up when we really shouldn't be and we don't fight for our own dreams like we ought to. The good news is that it's never too late. It's time to grab those dreams and make that time now.
I remember my brother discussing this song with me. He was the one who brought the topic out. The song was not even playing on the radio. He probably brought the topic out just to have something to talk about. He said to me "Do you know that in the song "Sandra" Sandra killed herself?" So I replied "Why do you say that"? He said back to me "Well there is a line in the song that goes she cut her wrist quite by mistake". I have heard the song too many times prior to that discussion and could even sing it but it never hit me how sad Sandra was. My point is that it was a man(my brother) and not me (female) who understood the plight of housewives. I was still in college but my brother was already married with a 2-year-old daughter.
Years later I find myself being haunted by this song. Even though it was never mentioned in the song that Sandra's husband was a control freak, you will easily find yourself in the same boat as Sandra's if your partner is one. Unfortunately you can never be honest with a control freak because everything a control freak does is great and good for you and a hinting to your partner that you want something else even though there is no else is criticizing.
did Sandra kill herself by cutting her risk with a broken glass?
Today I feel like Sandra but not really wanting to kill myself and got married in my late 30s. Parenting is a two way street, but in my case I feel like a single parent sometimes. I don't have a problem taking care of my kids, I love them with all my heart but sometimes it is overwhelming when you're the only one doing all the the job in the house. Mostly men don't understand and will never understand how it is to be a housewife unless they experience it themselves. Maybe that's why Sandra took her life for her husband to understand how overwhelming it is to do all the housework and look after kids at the same time taking care of the husband too. But I guess men would handle it in a different way and they never have to do stuff for their wives alone. So at the end, Sandra's husband would still not understand since she killed herself and the husband would only look after the kids and probably just find a babysitter or a nanny.
Response to Anonymous/
You wondered if Sandra did kill herself by cutting her wrists. I don't think she did, but "it was real touch and go for a while". I think that Sandra, who previously had bouts of depression (including postnatal depression as the lyrics suggest), was feeling quite low when she dropped the glass on the tile floor. Maybe she cut her wrist while trying to clean up, but it is more likely that she picked up a piece of glass and cut her wrist on purpose in an impulse. She must have felt a bit desperate, but in order to seriously kill yourself you need to cut hard and deep through you radial artery and keep it bleeding. Sandra didn't cut too deep and soon regretted it and in the end what happened was that she accidentally cut her wrist when a glass fell on the floor while she was doing the dishes. Keeping up appearances.
Sandra is one of the many women who suffer in silence struggling to come to terms with the prosaic reality and limitations of married life after all the huge built up expectations become deflated. When you are a housewife, mother, entertainer/wife of your husband, a self effacing multi tasker, not much remains for yourself. And all the while you are trying to keep up appearances, pretending that all is well, when it isn't.
On the bright side: if Sandra became a mother and housewife at a young age, she would have been in her mid 40s by the time her children had grown up. Once they have left the house, she can look forward to a new phase in her life. make time for herself, pursuit the things she always wanted to do. A good husband would certainly have supported her in this all the way. A bad and selfish husband would have wanted her to stay at home and just be a housewife. She should tell that sort of husband to get lost. There is a whole new life out there for her.
Months ago, I was listening to old songs in my PC and when this song played, I could hardly get it out of my mind. I am a 31 year old single guy (I think/feel I would be for life), but this song affects me so much because I associate it with my mother. My father loved her so much to the point of being suffocating and unreasonably possessive that my mother gave up her job and career when my youngest sibling was born when we were kids because my father would suspect my mother was unfaithful. I remember my mother telling me she gave up her career to focus on raising us as kids and just to satisfy my father as he preferred to be the sole provider. My mother ever since had to silently accept the changes, but you could feel it took much of her 'original self' away. I know my father loves us but since it was my mother who was with us everyday raising us, I felt much of what problems she was trying to keep for herself, even though she keeps on saying she doesn't have regrets since it is her kids who has given her meaning in life. Most often, I think I am not capable of repaying even just a bit for what my mother sacrificed for us and I know I can never except by showing her I love and accept her for whatever she is. I remember when I was a kid, my mother and father would fight regarding my father's suspicions and my mother asking me if I wanted her to live. I said yes but was so confused why she asked me that. As kids we would usually cry when they would quarrel. My father has been gone since 2011 and since my father had 2 families before us, one of our father's half-sisters even sent a text message saying it was ok if my mother would find a new husband, that they would accept it. My mother just laughed it off saying she did not need anything more since she has her kids. She told me how even her eldest sister/my aunt held a family meeting regarding her relationship with my father when my eldest sibling was born. My mother thought it was another family matter and was deceived to attend the meeting only to find out she would be the central topic. She walked out crying. My aunt at that time even explicitly threatened/mentioned to break the sister relationship just to save her reputation. My mother told me before that if it wasn't a sin and if she was just thinking of herself, it would have been long ago that she had already taken her life. I know she knows this song but I think she hasn't heard it recently. I do not want to remind her of the what-could-have-beens and past pains so I prefer not to mention it to her. I actually could not keep the tears from falling when I am alone and this song plays in my phone. It is because of my mother that I can empathize with mothers around the world and their constant selfless sacrifices for their families, how it has taken much, if not all, of their younger dreams, and how they have come to accept wholeheartedly that their family is now what gives them meaning in life.
-James
It kills a mother's emotion who has to think of how to support her husband, how to take care of kids, and think how to survive financials. Maybe it's not regret in marriage but regret in status in life.
I don’t know but I just feel that I can somewhat relate to this song. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and husband but there are times when I kind of reflect and ask myself, what if I did not marry my husband or if I married someone else or never married at all, will I be happier? I have great kids, good husband, great job but I sometimes feel that something is missing and I can’t explain what! That’s why the lyrics of this song hit me hard sometimes.
Did sandra commit suicide? I dont think so...the song says "quite by mistake...". So it must have been by accident.
How? When a glass falls when you do the dishes, your immediate response is to try to catch the glass to avoid breakage... but sometimes it hits the tile first then breaks a split second before your hand gets to it...then it is very possible to cut yourself or your wrisk by mistake. The wound it created was probably so big it caused her to collapse and lose enough blood and die... by mistake...
It's about a woman who got married and had a family too soon and when everything just became too much, she wondered what would happen if she didn’t get married early and got to enjoy the things she misses. I think there is some aspect of regret in the song but I also think we all have regrets in life and that’s normal. There are days that regret comes creeping in. It would be naive to think that every single day is perfect. Sandra in the song is a woman that takes care, love, and understands her children and her husband. The woman that is the light of a family who unselfishly gives everything just for the sake of her family. But there is also a part of me that thinks that the song is not about pure regret or being selfish. It is about being so many things to other people in life that somewhere along the way you lose sight of yourself and now you want to find yourself again. It might also be about something quite small that you gave up a long time ago and then found it again and realised that you gave it up for all the wrong reasons. The song implies how this kind of circumstances is relevant in the present situations that you need to think twice before making any decision and one should be ready in entering a marriage life so that you will not regret in the end. And especially next to pure love of God is mother’s love and in order for a mother or for a wife to survive the hardship in life she also needs attention, respect, and genuine love from her own family.
It's about a woman who got married and had a family too soon and when everything just became too much, she wondered what would happen if she didn’t get married early and got to enjoy the things she misses. I think there is some aspect of regret in the song but I also think we all have regrets in life and that’s normal. There are days that regret comes creeping in. It would be naive to think that every single day is perfect. Sandra in the song is a woman that takes care, love, and understands her children and her husband. The woman that is the light of a family who unselfishly gives everything just for the sake of her family. But there is also a part of me that thinks that the song is not about pure regret or being selfish. It is about being so many things to other people in life that somewhere along the way you lose sight of yourself and now you want to find yourself again. It might also be about something quite small that you gave up a long time ago and then found it again and realised that you gave it up for all the wrong reasons. The song implies how this kind of circumstances is relevant in the present situations that you need to think twice before making any decision and one should be ready in entering a marriage life so that you will not regret in the end. And especially next to pure love of God is mother’s love and in order for a mother or for a wife to survive the hardship in life she also needs attention, respect, and genuine love from her own family.
the crazy thing is: "she took her life" after all what she did to play her role as a mother and wife. What's wrong of being a loving mother and wife?
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