When did all of "this" begin?
By "this" I don't mean the blog or loving Barry's music. It all began for me on the Barrynet when a group of fans began to monopolize the posts by talking over and over again about how "hot" Barry was, adding sexual innuendos and literally begging him to wear leather.
Why did this behavior bother me so much?
It bothered me because I felt the Barrynet was a public board that anyone could read and it was casting a negative light on Barry and his fans. It also bothered me because at the time we were trying to raise awareness for our fan club charity and for a scrapbook that we were making for a friend who had passed away and they monopolized the message board.
What happened when I spoke up against it?
I was attacked personally, in emails, and publicly on the message board. It was clear that if anyone spoke out against them, you would be attacked. I just couldn't tolerate that type of bullying and I began to speak out against it on the Barrynet and on my blog. And thus began the war between me and these group of fans.
What makes you so knowledgeable about the fan world (this one comes from Kay's comment)?
I think this was possibly derogatory but I'll answer it anyway. I never claimed to be the expert on the fan world, just the fan world I've witnessed. I've attended enough shows and been to Vegas often enough to witness this type of negative fan behavior over and over again: stalking, harassment, bullying, and spoken to enough Manilow employees and hotel staff to know what goes on before, during and after a show.
You don't call the things you say in your blog about fans bullying and hateful (another question courtesy of Kay)?
No. I don't. They are simply reports of this type of behavior and my opinion about how wrong it is. If you speak out against bullying does that make you a bully? The obvious answer is no. I guess you could see these posts as hateful, but I see them as exposes bringing the truth out into the open.
Do you have a problem with fans gathering at the front of the stage to visit (another question from Kay)?
No problem at all. But, when it's obvious they are "marking their territory" and glare at anyone who dares to encroach on it, I do.
Why can't I just be friends with these women?
Let's see. I have tried. Actually one of the group approached me two years ago and attempted to make peace. I agreed and made every attempt to call a truce. But, that was short lived when I posted something they disagreed with and assumed it was related to them. That's the problem with these fans--you can't cross them or disagree with anything they say or do. If you do, you incur their wrath.
Why can't you just live and let live?
Why can't they? I had every intention of "living and let living" when I came to the shows in Vegas but it was clear they did not. Besides I'm not the type of person that bows down to bullies and someone had to speak out against them. They will claim I do not know them so I can't say anything about them. But I do know how they treated me and have treated other fans. I have had my fill of it all and as Barry often says, "sometimes all it takes is one voice" to create change.
Why, after all this time, am I ending the posts?
It's time. After the last show in Vegas I realized that I no longer want to waste my time on these fans. They will never change because they have convinced themselves and others that their behavior is perfectly normal. (And pigs fly too!). I no longer care to have any connection with the Manilow fan world (other than the few close friends I have made). It's time to shut this door in my life and move on.
So...Happy New Year to my loyal readers and to those who visit here just to see what I'm saying about them (and their friends). I can't say it's been fun, but I can say it's been REAL and I have gained a good education about fandom and how it works. The psychology of it all is fascinating!
Goodbye 2011...Hello 2012 (free from Manilow fan drama)!
Texas Fan
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13 comments:
Years ago I created a fan site for someone who is BIG in the business they're in. I met this person five times, and though we didn't become "friends" he did know my name and we spoke briefly each time. You should have seen how many of the other fans acted toward me! It was an eye opener as that was the first fandom I'd been involved in.
Not only did they harass me for years, in endless emails, posts on my sites message board and chat, on other message boards, my Myspace, in Yahoo groups, but they harassed my friends as well. They were very ugly and spiteful. They saw me as a "threat" to their dominance of that fandom and they didn't like that one bit, especially since I wouldn't "play ball" but rather just did what I wanted without running anything past them for their permission.
The fact that I'd met this celebrity and he knew my name just made it worse. They were so jealous they couldn't contain themselves. All I was trying to do was have fun and enjoy myself and they turned it into a war, them against me. I gave as good as I got, like I said, I'm not the type to back down. However it eventually ruined my enjoyment of not only the fandom but the business that celebrity is in.
I eventually just shut down my fan site and walked away from that fandom completely. Not because they ran me off, but because I didn't enjoy it anymore. It was no longer fun for me so I didn't see the point in continuing to do all that work, and it IS a lot of work to run a fan site. I guess they got what they wanted in the end though.
That experience, and seeing how much of the same goes on in Barry's fandom, is why I'm so reluctant to have much to do with anyone in Barry's fandom other than online. I guess I could be missing out on making some good friends, but, once burned...
Suzanne,
I hate to see you close this blog, but I understand your decision. I've had my run ins with Kay and her fellow Alphabet Gang members myself over the years, mostly on the Topix forum. My, my, my, they can dish it out but they certainly won't take it. I know of at least three strings on there that were completely deleted when they whined and complained enough because they were outnumbered by people willing to tell the truth about them.
Thanks to the Alphabet ladies, I've witnessed or heard about some of the worst aspects of fandom whether it's Manilow or someone else. At the same time, I've made some wonderful friends I'll always cherish thanks to him. Keep on standing up to the bullies Suzanne, because if people like us don't then who will? Have a happy new year and enjoy your grand baby every chance you get.
Crystal
NighDarke, your thoughts on getting to know fans are relevant and make sense based on what Suzanne has discussed. Although it is important to remember that there are some very nice fans out there who are respectful of Barry and other fans. There are those who do like to talk about the music and what it means to them. Not every fan is about what he wears and has to know every move he or his staff is making at every moment. There are those who are reasonable with their fandom and not completely off the deep end living and breathing this man. There are many fans who have a good balance in their life and don't let Barry overtake their every day activities. So don't be afraid of them if you should meet someone nice when you are in NYC. You might miss out on a great friendship.
I am sure there are normal fans in Barry's fandom, but the problem is how to tell them apart at first. What I mean is, some of the ones that went psycho on me in the other fandom seemed okay in the beginning. So???? I may still decided to meet some of the ones who have expressed an interest in doing so when I'm in NY, but right now I'm leaning toward 'not'.
Suzanne,
Thank you for all the years. Years of truth,and years of standing up for others who have been harrassed, bullied and most of all, stalked by this group of lunatics. They think their actions are adored by those in the Manilow Camp,but in reality skin crawls when their names are even mentioned. Things will change now that this show is going on the road. There will not be people for them to suck up too. The hotels could care less about their money or rather they come back and most of all, it is hard to "MARK" your territory in a big arena. Oh yes, they will be in the front row at almost every show and in Barry's eyes, all will be in yellow. Their world has now changed drastically, almost like being neutered(no more spraying like a tom cat). I'm sure they will read this, so I hope they look back at all of the years and realize what asses they have made of themselves. Then of course, they do not know what truth is, so that thought is probably defeated. Maybe now that this part of the world has been diminished to their lowest, they will now start living their real lives. Looking past all of the harrassment, bullying and stalking, the most important thing that all of them need to accept is that... "Barry does not know you, does not want to know you, and most of all will never love you". You have people who obviously love you to have put up with you all of these years. Maybe it's time to show them that love that you have for your idol. Getting love in return is amazing. Try it.
Thank you for everything
Suzanne.
I am sad to see this end, but I fully understand why you are doing it.
"The world of fans", boy did I have my eyes opened up when I went to Vegas, who would of thought grown woman could act the way they did, but then again, after following Bnet and some of the posts that were put on there, well it shouldn't have been a surprise.
But I should also point out if it had not been for Bnet we would never have become friends and enjoyed a wonderful time in Vegas like we did.
So Nigh, there are some normal fans,(I like to think of myself as one of them..LOL) and longterm friendships can be made.
Thank Suzanne for your Manilow Musings, each and every blog has been wonderful and entertaining reading.
I don't regret getting involved in the fan world. Because of it I have made some wonderful friends and met some interesting people. As with everything in life, there is good along with the bad. You have to be careful in any fandom. Be cautious and when the red flags come up, run as fast as you can!
What can I say about this! I joined the fan world just 3 years ago when I excitedly visited Vegas to see Barry live for the first time ever! The experience of that 2 weeks is one that will live with me forever. It changed my life forever and being able to call you one of my close friends is something others will never understand.
I also experienced first hand , as a novice, the whole underworld of being a Manilow fan. It was not pleasant. I could not and never will understand how they can say they respect Barry as a performer and a human being when they behave in the way they did and continue to do so.
I for one am glad he has called it a day in Vegas and I am sure he never for one second thought he would have unleashed what he did just by being there!
I have enjoyed your blog as well as blogilow as there I met another long time friend. 2 sane voices in the wilderness that dared to speak out!
It's been a blast but like you, Suzanne, my life is moving on from there. There are some good times ahead for you and I one day, when we can:)
What can I say about this! I joined the fan world just 3 years ago when I excitedly visited Vegas to see Barry live for the first time ever! The experience of that 2 weeks is one that will live with me forever. It changed my life forever and being able to call you one of my close friends is something others will never understand.
I also experienced first hand , as a novice, the whole underworld of being a Manilow fan. It was not pleasant. I could not and never will understand how they can say they respect Barry as a performer and a human being when they behave in the way they did and continue to do so.
I for one am glad he has called it a day in Vegas and I am sure he never for one second thought he would have unleashed what he did just by being there!
I have enjoyed your blog as well as blogilow as there I met another long time friend. 2 sane voices in the wilderness that dared to speak out!
It's been a blast but like you, Suzanne, my life is moving on from there. There are some good times ahead for you and I one day, when we can:)
Anonymous you nailed it on the head with this group! They are so predictable that other fans could figure what move they would make next. No matter how you see it they are a bunch of stalkers and it is good to know that Barry has the right security surrounding him to keep them at arms length. What is so sad is how these women use other people for their personal gain. They have no conscience about the trail of bodies they leave in their pursuit of Barry. If you cannot provide anything of benefit to them it appears that they throw you out like the trash. Classy group of women. More like classless.
Yes, you could put a mirror up to each of their faces and they wouldn't be able to see the truth. The only people they are kidding is themselves. I agree that Barry has to find some relief in leaving Vegas so he doesn't have to see them all the time. They will be one in the crowd when they go to an arena. The new challenge for them is for them to learn a city they are visiting and try to figure out where Barry will stay, where he will eat and how to get access to him by kissing butt with one of his people. Can you imagine the laugh they must have at their expense. The time they do smile at them is when they have the money flowing. Do they know money can't buy you everything?
Also have to agree with you on the reality that they now have to live in a real world with real people. You gotta feel sorry for their families. Sad to think you would rather go to Vegas so frequent and not spend that time or money with the people who are right there.
I doubt you will see any of them come on here to comment. That would mean having to defend yourself and your actions. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. They lack the courage and conviction to face the truth. What you would get is whining that they are so misunderstood and they can't imagine where all these lies come from. This seems to be a common theme with these women. Very very sad.
If so many people are able to share their tales of this bullying and stories of bad behavior are they all crazy and liars?
Best of luck to you Suzanne in your future. Leaving this kind of stuff behind should be easy to do considering the grandchild who deserves your love and time.
Love your blog and especially this topic.Some befriend others who are able to get them what they crave and quest for, but to each his own. Whatever makes them happy I guess. They socialize with friends with benefits and will stomp over others to do get closer to a celebrity who doesn't know they exist except when they annoy the celebrity who knows what kind of fans they are.
There are only a few of the cast members from this original group who continue to make spectacles of themselves at whatever the cost.
Music Lover
The are vile, horrible people(especially KAY-UGH!) Their sense of entitlement is laughable. The Stiletto staff is on to them and they are a big joke.They will self destruct.
You are right..the original Alphabet group is mostly history. The ones with any class had the good sense to separate from Kay, Mary, Joyce .
Kudos to you Suzanne, for not being intimaidated by them and standing up for what is right.
I only wish good things for you in the future.
Anonymous,
To quote Charlie Sheen, "Winning"! That would apply to the women of this alphabet group who walked away from these crazies. From what everyone is saying it sounds like they came out on the right end and have some common sense.
Those others are nothing but a bunch of stalkers! Barry is now the one winning because he doesn't have to see their faces in Vegas all the time. Poor guy gets a break!
Good luck. Sounds like you are winning now, Suzanne! Walk away feeling good that you spoke the truth!
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