Sunday, August 31, 2008

A Good Rationalization

"You can go a week without sex; but try going a day without a good rationalization" (The Big Chill)

Stalking is often subtle, yet pervasive. In fact, the stalker is counting on you feeling as if her actions are ordinary demonstrations of affection or admiration.

The intimacy seeking stalker

Classification is based on the desire for intimacy with someone that the stalkers had identified as their true love. Half believed that their love was requited. The other half were termed to have morbid infatuations, in which they recognized that their love was not returned but “insist(ed), with delusional intensity, on both the legitimacy and the eventual success of their quest.” This group tends to be the most persistent over time.

Some Things Stalkers Do

  • Follow you and show up wherever you are with consistent regularity;
  • Repeatedly call you or contact you;
  • Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or emails;
  • Monitor your phone calls, computer use or every day activities;
  • Threaten you or someone close to you;
  • Drive by or hang out at your home, school, or work;
  • Find out about you by using public records or on line search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers;
  • Repeatedly show up for no legitimate purpose at places where you are; and
  • Other actions that control, track, or intimidate you.

Common Characteristics of a Stalker

  • Jealous
  • Narcissistic
  • Obsessive and compulsive
  • Falls “instantly” in love
  • Manipulative
  • Does not take responsibility of own feelings or actions
  • Needs to have control over others
  • Socially awkward or uncomfortable
  • Views self as a victim of society, family and others
  • Unable to take “no” for an answer
  • Deceptive
  • Often switches between rage and “love”
  • Difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality
  • Sense of entitlement (”You owe me…”)
  • Unable to cope with rejection
  • Dependent on others for sense of “self”
  • Views his or her problems as someone else’s fault

from "These Boots Are Made for Stalking: Characteristics of Female Stalkers" (August 2008) by Sara G. West, MD, and Susan Hatters Friedman, MD

It seems the Manilow world has its fair share of these archetypes--certainly something to ponder following a week of observation.

Some can't go a day without a good rationalization...
Texas Fan

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