Saturday, March 15, 2008

If they don’t want to play with you...

...then find some other friends.

When my kids were younger, I must have said this at least once a week. The simple fact is that kids can be cruel. They don’t care about hurting your kid’s feelings or making them cry. And a group of kids can be even crueler. Sadly, I have found that these same kids grow up to be teens and later adults. Those same kids that tortured you as a child continue to torture people as adults. It doesn’t matter what their groups are called: cliques, “the in-crowd”, fraternities, “junior league”, society, power circle, the “rich and famous”, or even the cool ones. They exclude the ones who are not like them.

As a child, I was taught to share. My mother taught me to play with everyone. She told me to be kind to everyone and not exclude anyone from my play group. I wish I could say I always listened to my mother. But the reality is I have been guilty of excluding people for various reasons. None of which were kind or legitimate, and all of which I am not proud of. Sadly, my children’s generation seems to be more exclusive than when I grew up and the competition to fit in has become fierce.

The lines have been drawn politically to the point that the “red and blue” states can hardly be civil to one another. The social elite continue to snub their noses at the uncultured. The rich and famous can’t imagine how anyone could allow themselves to become homeless. Those with college educations thumb their noses at those with street smarts alone. The teens with the Abercrombie clothes talk smack about the kids that are forced to shop at Target or WalMart. The adults with the huge suburban homes and fancy cars don’t associate with the families from the other side of the tracks: those who they call “poor white trash”. Women with expensive clothing and jewelry and money to spend look down on those who are not as fortunate.

What can you do about these “friends” that don’t want to play with you? The real question for me is why do you want to play with them at all? Why would anyone want to be that shallow, opinionated, callous, uncaring and insensitive? Why would anyone want to be accepted into a group that sets its values as money, power, prestige and the right address? You can strive your entire life to be accepted by these people, but when push comes to shove, they will never be friends. They let you play with them when it’s convenient or beneficial for them. They will never sacrifice any of their needs, wants or desires to meet you halfway or even try and see things from your point of view. They will never change. They have been that way since they were children and will continue to set their values and goals as they relate to the group they belong to.

My advice to anyone in this situation is to find some new “friends”. Find some friends that have the same values as you. Find some friends that are kind to those around them. Find some friends that sacrifice and give for others. Find some friends that speak to you in love and compassion, not judgment and condemnation.

You might find as Barry says, "'re not alone."

Texas Fan


Anonymous said...

What a lovely blog. As usual your thoughts are right on!

I have also found that those as children who are bullies grow up to be the same bullies just with different toys.

You have been a great friend. Kind and caring to me. I hate it when someone shares their opinions and there are others, the bullies, who don't want to share their toys so they start lashing out in cruelness. They don't get their way so they stomp their feet until all eyes are back on them. Not only is it gross but it is such a pity.

When you are down my friend, you know who to call. Remember, there are those out there that love you.


Anonymous said...

This post is so true, but I look at it this way, be true to thy self. Pay no attention to what others say, no matter how hurtful it is, brush it off and go on with your life, cause that will show those bullies, you are a stronger, better person than they are.
I am proud to call you a friend and will always stick by you.
Hang in there girl, you true friends will always be here for you.

Your aussie friend

Anonymous said...

You are spot on. It is called the "Gang Mentality". These are usually people who could never stand on their own and need their gang to support them.

Clicky Web Analytics